Laptop Television Mom

Season Ten

I am excited to welcome another “roving reporter” to the LTV Mom family. Everyone, meet Dixie who will be providing weekly American Idol recaps from her living room in Florida. This TV-watching mama loves American Idol, but Dixie is way funnier (and much more clever) than I. You might not always agree with Dixie’s take on the American Idol performances, but I promise you will laugh each and every week!

AI Top 12, DIXIE SAYS:

Tonight, the role of JLo’s hair will be played by Cousin It from The Addams Family. Maybe I am just tired and grumpy, but not one performance wowed me tonight. Just about everyone sounded either off key, screamy, or both. James’ “Another Thing Coming” and Stefano’s Sing for Your Life Wildcard performance are the only performances so far this season that made the hair stand up on my arms.

Also, I’m already so sick of this Iovine guy… and by the way, was he on Seinfield or another sit com? He rubs me the wrong way- he’s weirdly oily, slightly predatory, and he’s certainly giving off the impression that he’s a world class jackel. Anyone? The way he shrinks down into his seat with the baseball hat and glasses makes me think he is hiding something. Besides, he’s not adding anything to the show; in fact, I think he may be making the contestents worse.

On to my reviews:

Naima “What’s Love Got To Do With It” (The Staccato Stomp Remix)

Even though she has more stage presence than the other girls, Naima’s vocals are shakey at best. And I’m glad they finally addressed her pitch problems. If only her voice was as strong as her charisma. I think she could be in danger of going home, but personally, I hope she gets to stay a little longer.

Paul “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues”

Tonight Paul looked like a cleaned up homeless man, aimlessly wondering about the stage. He improved from last week and hit most of the notes, but he has a tendency to fall off a bit at the end of each phrase. Perhaps he is out of breath, or maybe he just needs more training. He’s unique if nothing else.

Thia “Colors of the Wind” (Watching the Paint Dry Remix)

Thia was, like, born yesterday. One of my cats is three years older than her. Her parents remark, “We’ve rarely see her cry.” Really? Because we see her cry all the time! This young girl has very impressive pipes and a beautiful tone, but she really, REALLY needs to pick it up. Her performances are too calm and Zen-like… read boring.

James “I’ll Be There For You” (Rock Out with My Tail Remix)

The Tail Returneth!!! A rich inner vein of crazy? Yeah, it’s called Tourettes, and James didn’t chose it… it kind of chose him. What a cute video of his childhood ABC’s- and he did have perfect pitch! James’ vocals were reminiscent of Jon Bon Jovi himself, but even my favorite sounded wobbly tonight. I wasn’t nearly as impressed with James as I normally am. And Steven Tyler was correct: don’t go too poppy! His backstage scream was the most entertaining thing of the entire show for me this week. Sooo Jacob is not in the band, huh? Wonder what that’s all about.

Haley “I’m Your Baby Tonight” (The Baby Voice Edit)

Very jazzy which I like, but very mush mouth which I dislike. Seriously, I couldn’t understand a single word she sang! All I can say is that she got through it and I wouldn’t doubt it if she is hitting the seal. Very cute how Peaches helped her out with the red lipstick on her chin.

Stefano “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” (Forehead Vein Popping Remix)

Best performance of the night? What? If anything, Stefano makes me miss Elliott Yamin! He did a decent job, but his voice isn’t nearly as limber as he thinks it is. Plus, his performances, minus his Wildcard Performance, always remind me of a high school musical where the soloist is trying way too hard.

Pia “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” (Trying to Win This Thang Version)

The only way to calm her down as a child was to video tape her singing? Dad should have dipped her pacifier in NyQuil and called it a night. The grandfather moment was very touching. Pia has a strong voice, but her performances do not have one single ounce of surprise. She seems like a very nice person, but she has zero personality, zero originality. Also, the arrangement kind of stunk; this is supposed to be a sad song, not a dance number. Despite the yawn factor and the lame arrangement, Pia did have the best vocals of the evening.

Scotty “Can I Trust You With My Heart” (Leanin’ Side ta Side Remix)

Daddy and Mommy can sing pruty well, thankyewverramuch. Very good performance and the ending was an awesome surprise! Now even the country kid is glory-noting the ending! Maybe the one trick Pony is learning a few more tricks. Not that he needs to; Scotty is safe for at least 11 more weeks.

Karen “Love Will Lead You Back” (The Bilingual Remix)

Subtitles por Madre? ‘This is the Oscar in my life.’ Sniff, sniff. Te amo too, Madre!! Despite the follicular disaster and looking like an extra in an Austin Powers movie, Karen was WAY better than last week. She hit all the notes, but without a great deal of power. I think she sings too timidly. She says she doesn’t want to be known as the contestant who always sings in Spanish… and then she seques into Spanish. This song sent Mikalah packing in Season 4,and I have a strong feeling that it may do the same for Karen in Season 10.

Casey “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

LOVE his parents; perhaps the reason he is such an old soul is because of his older parents. “I like to take risks,” Casey says. This was the musical version of cutting yourself. Besides the fact that he got many of the lyrics wrong, he just didn’t pull this off. Wish James would have sang this song. Disappointed to say the least.

Lauren “I’m The Only One”

Lauren’s parents look younger than she does! Pretty good performance considering she is sick; maybe the codine is loosening her up a bit. Definitely better than last week’s forgetful number. This song still reminds me of Pickler.

Jacob “Alone” (The Idol Magic Maker Remix)

Although it was better than last week’s pitchy performance, Jacob is yet another one who is disappointing me. Where is the guy who sang “God Bless the Child” during Hollywood Week? I think he started out too high and once again encountered pitch problems, just not as severe as last week. I will give him points for being original while singing one of the go-to songs for AI- it was half gospel, half diva, and he certainly knew how to gay it up with the Lusky Stank. I’m not saying he’s gay- I don’t know- I’m just saying that he gayed up the song.

Overall, not a very good night for the contestants. I say get rid of the Iovine guy. Bottom 3? I predict Karen, Haley, and Naima… with Karen going home. Stay tuned!

Dixie is a contributor to Laptop TV Mom. The words and opinions are hers and are unedited by me.

Photo Credit: American Idol